Talking Body Image In the Time Of Coronavirus

Since my move to stop wearing make up to owning my body in a bikini on my winter vacation and even writing a short story on my battle with obesity, body image has been on my mind a lot.

But then the coronavirus hit and it made me question the relevance of wondering and pondering body image. It made me think everything was minor.

Pre-virus, I listened to Episode 82 of the Rise Together podcast where Rachel Hollis interviews her friend Amy Porterfield about her struggles with her weight. They talk about Amy attending Weight Watchers at age 8 and her constant quest to meet a ‘goal weight’. They talk about Amy overcompensating with her perfect hair and high heels to be a woman in spite of her weight. They talk about Amy always questing to be ‘small’.

It all hit hard for me. From the Weight Watchers experience to the quest to be ‘small’. It’s all my story as well. I attended Weight Watchers at age 13 and have always muted myself to appear ‘quiet’ and ‘small’ which I see as more feminine.

I had two significant weight loss journeys, one in high school where I lost about 80 lbs but never hit my goal weight. Another after my daughter was born where I lost 75 lbs. Though the second time I hit my size and weight goal, I never felt the surge in self esteem and still continued to fight my demons of ‘not enough’. I still struggled with my body image and truly being myself and taking up the space that I deserved.

My goal now is a strong mom bod. Allowing myself the imperfections that motherhood brings but being strong enough to play sports with my kids and inspire activity in them and others. My goal is to eat healthfully, not be constantly dieting. My goal is to raise a daughter without body image issues.

I am focussing on good habits like eating whole foods, moving my body daily, being mentally strong and drinking lots of water. I am also not weighing myself and defining myself by my clothes size.

Why is this still relevant in the time of the coronavirus? Because more than ever women need to be strong, resilient, energetic and vibrant. That is pretty hard to do if you haven’t built muscle, strengthened your cardio and your mind! It is also hard to do if you are starving in order to fit into a certain pair of jeans.

When my priorities are challenged by working at home, losing opportunities, and homeschooling my kids, my weight and size feel less relevant, including the idea of a ‘goal weight’! It is time to focus on real priorities like eating well, moving our bodies, sleeping and loving each other.

 

The mind game of obesity

It’s hard being overweight. It’s not just the physical stuff, like the chaffing or the flights of stairs or how utterly exhausted you feel all the time. It’s also the mental stuff. Your mind. Your brain. Being obese is mentally taxing.

Everywhere you go – the fact that you are overweight follows you. In a restaurant? You feel judgement on what you order. In a clothes store? You wonder if the largest size will fit you. It never stops.

When you see other women, you judge them and yourself based on their size. Are they smaller than you? Then, you probably wish you were them. Maybe you think your face is prettier or your hair is nicer, but you’d trade it all for that smaller or fitter body. If she is bigger than you? Well, then you have that extra bounce in your step and thank God for not being at that stage.

It’s horrible. It’s always there. The judgement. And it never stops. Your self worth is literally measured in pounds, dress sizes and inches.

Maybe this isn’t everyone’s experience but it was mine for over 25 years. I measured what I was and what I was worth based on my size. I didn’t dress the way that I wanted, I dressed in a way that was size appropriate.

I saw women who ‘owned’ their weight better than me. They knew they were larger in certain areas and chose to accentuate it. But, I wasn’t one of those and I felt they were ‘better than’ me too.

I was meek and mild. And, even though I was heavy and standing only five feet tall, I essentially tried to make myself as small as possible. I hunched over and slouched. I would fold my shoulders in to seem smaller and always sucked in my belly. I wore flats so I wouldn’t stand out (and for the fact that heels are torture when you are overweight).

I was quiet and never ruffled any feathers. Everything about me screamed, ‘please don’t look at me’. I played small.

Then, through a lot of hard work and determination (and with a lot of help!), I lost a lot of weight, got fit and even got some muscles. I like how I feel now, but even so, it has taken years for my self esteem to catch up to my fitter body.

Losing weight or getting fit does not change your mind.

Maybe over time and with enough positive self talk your mind will catch up, but it is absolutely a work in progress. You can change your body a lot faster than your mind.

I went on vacation five years ago, at my lightest weight and fittest in my life. I bought a bikini for the trip as I had never worn one in my life. I literally had it on for two hours one morning. I couldn’t take it. I felt judged and judged myself a million times harder and I eventually changed into another swim suit because I was so self conscious.

Years later, and about 10 pounds heavier, I am on the first vacation in my life that I have felt okay wearing a bikini. Do I look better than I did then? No, but my brain has finally caught up to my body and the fact that my worth doesn’t lie in the size of it.

I am no longer measuring my self worth in pounds, inches and dress sizes. I finally feel that my inside wants to wear a bikini. And if my outside looks good in it, so be it.

Losing weight actually made me realize that my self worth and the worth of others is not measured in fat percentages, pounds or dress sizes. We are all so much more than that and we need our minds to finally recognize that and our minds to stop judging others that way.

Make Your Fitness Resolution Stick

The gym was busy this week. It’s New Years Resolution time and people are keen to get fit. I am one of those people that works out faithfully. I am at the gym every week, but I don’t like to act inconvenienced when its busy in January. I hear a lot of people making the comments about things calming down in a few weeks when all the ‘new people’ give up.

I was one of those people with a New Years Resolution six years ago and yes, it stuck and I still work out eight to ten times per week now.

So – why did it stick for me?

1. I got help from a trainer

Nobody wants to hear this because it costs more money, but trainers are helpful. You don’t know what you don’t know and if you aren’t fit, you don’t know how to work out properly. You wouldn’t try to cut and highlight your own hair, you would go to a professional that could do it right. You wouldn’t try to fix your own car, you would go to a mechanic. So, why do you think you can fix your own body?

Maybe if you are already in good shape and you just want to do a little more, then you are fine on your own. But, if you are looking for a big transformation, then get help. This is not an ad by the way, I don’t train people for a living.

My trainer was able to educate me and answer the ‘why’ on so many things. I needed to fully understand what I was doing in my workouts in order for it to stick for me. I also needed feedback and encouragement.

I worked with her for over a year, but I saw a ton of a progress and learned how to design my own programs and workout on my own. This knowledge keeps me engaged in fitness six year later.

2. I built in flexibility and variety

I work out in my home gym. I run outside. I work out at a gym on my lunch break near my office. I go to a yoga studio. I do boot camps outside in a friend’s backyard in the evenings. I do a bootcamp at a local recreation centre. I participate in outdoor free fitness events. I go to run clubs. I hike. I walk.

Am I bragging? Maybe a bit. But my point is that you need variety and flexibility to fit in enough movement throughout your week. Maybe walking or biking to work will work for you.

My job is completely sedentary, so I need to find movement everyday. I have a busy life and two kids so if I bank on working out at night every day it just won’t happen, something will get in the way.

So – I work out in the mornings before work, and at lunch and if I happen to miss both of those, I work out in the evenings. I work out on weekdays and then use weekends to make up my missed work outs. This allows me to work out eight to ten times a week and combat my sedentary job as well as be energetic with my kids.

3. I stopped coming up with excuses

A lot of people make comments about the fact that I work out on my lunch break. I always hear, ‘I can’t do that’, ‘my job doesn’t allow for it’. No, actually, you don’t allow for it.

I used to be guilty of these excuses too. I would see coworkers going to the gym at lunch and think, ‘I don’t want to get all sweaty’. Or, ‘I won’t have time to eat my lunch’. Or, ‘I don’t want people from work to see me all sweaty while I am working out’.  Or, ‘if I take the time to work out, I won’t get my work done and will have to stay late’.

If you really wanted to get some movement on your break, you would. First, you would actually prioritize taking a break and leaving the office (read: not taking your lunch break on your social media accounts on your phone at your desk). You will actually be way more productive in the afternoon after leaving at lunch. Working through your lunch just makes you slow and inefficient.

Second, you would find movement that works for you. No gym around? Go for a walk or run. Don’t want to get too sweaty? Then do a lighter exercise, like the elliptical trainer or bike instead of running. Get in your yoga or strength training. Some people find swimming with a swim cap works well at lunch or aquafit. I find that if I put my hair in a bun, then shower my body quickly afterwards and re-apply deodorant than I am fresh enough for the afternoon. It’s not like I ran a marathon at lunch!

So now that you’ve worked out on your lunch break, when do you eat? Eat whenever, it’s not your priority. Eat a protein bar on your walk back to your office. Drink a smoothie from a thermos during your meetings. Who cares?! You got a work out in. You can get a nice meal at dinner.

4. Giving up on perfect

Not every workout will be your best ever. Maybe you like to work out for 45 minutes but you can’t fit it in on your lunch. Well, 25 minutes of movement is better than nothing. If you get too sweaty running on your lunch, then walk, or do some yoga or strength. Make it a priority to run in the evening or on the weekends when you have more time to stretch and shower afterwards and dry your hair.

In the End:

If you want to be successful you need to stop putting up your own barriers and make it happen. You can do this. It’s movement, not rocket science. You just need to give yourself as many options as possible to find movement in your life.